i remember my New Year's Resolution, STAY POSITIVE.. be happy and optimistic for this year.. but then, i somehow FAILED..
i slept at 4 in the morning.. crying and crying.. yes.. i cried.. the first tears for this year suddenly fell.. how?.. i borrowed my kuya's mobile to text a friend.. i was getting bored because of the 48 years replies.. so i browsed [yes, a bit pakielamera] his messages.. and read some quotes.. the quotes, as usual, is all about love and everything about love.. as i go through over it, i suddenly felt this "sadness" and a "heat" over my eyes.. only to realize, i was already crying.. i wiped those tears immediately.. because i have this NO MORE TEARS PROJECT di ba?.. hehehe.. but, the tears was uncontrollable..i tried to divert my attention.. but the concentration wasn't enough.. i can't fight my emotions anymore.. so i broke down.. i cried hard.. really hard.. for some reasons that i do not know..
darn those quotes.. it made me cry.. today, Jan. 13, 2009.. it's the 7th month of being so alone.. left by the guy whom i really love.. oh well.. can't deny the fact that until now, i still love him.. but still, he can't see that.. maybe he really has moved on.. i am no longer the "wifey-princess-baby-boo" of his life.. and it hurts.. just the thought of it makes me cry all over again.. i don't know if i still want him.. but i do love him.. i don't want to feel unloved again.. i don't want to hear the accusations, "bad words", etc.. i don't want to be taken for granted anymore.. just for once, i want somebody who will be afraid of losing me.. *cry*
if he only knew, how much effort and braveness, im showing whenever i talk to him.. i want to be strong enough so that i wouldn't cry.. i want him to see that, "hey.. she's changed.. maybe pwede na kame ulit".. but i guess he didn't see that..
before.. he's the reason why i don't wanna leave.. but now.. he gave me all the reasons why I SHOULD.. :(
i slept at 4 in the morning.. crying and crying.. yes.. i cried.. the first tears for this year suddenly fell.. how?.. i borrowed my kuya's mobile to text a friend.. i was getting bored because of the 48 years replies.. so i browsed [yes, a bit pakielamera] his messages.. and read some quotes.. the quotes, as usual, is all about love and everything about love.. as i go through over it, i suddenly felt this "sadness" and a "heat" over my eyes.. only to realize, i was already crying.. i wiped those tears immediately.. because i have this NO MORE TEARS PROJECT di ba?.. hehehe.. but, the tears was uncontrollable..i tried to divert my attention.. but the concentration wasn't enough.. i can't fight my emotions anymore.. so i broke down.. i cried hard.. really hard.. for some reasons that i do not know..
darn those quotes.. it made me cry.. today, Jan. 13, 2009.. it's the 7th month of being so alone.. left by the guy whom i really love.. oh well.. can't deny the fact that until now, i still love him.. but still, he can't see that.. maybe he really has moved on.. i am no longer the "wifey-princess-baby-boo" of his life.. and it hurts.. just the thought of it makes me cry all over again.. i don't know if i still want him.. but i do love him.. i don't want to feel unloved again.. i don't want to hear the accusations, "bad words", etc.. i don't want to be taken for granted anymore.. just for once, i want somebody who will be afraid of losing me.. *cry*
if he only knew, how much effort and braveness, im showing whenever i talk to him.. i want to be strong enough so that i wouldn't cry.. i want him to see that, "hey.. she's changed.. maybe pwede na kame ulit".. but i guess he didn't see that..
before.. he's the reason why i don't wanna leave.. but now.. he gave me all the reasons why I SHOULD.. :(
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