Yesterday, February 14, 2009, Valentine's Day, was such the hardest, loneliest, and most difficult Valentine's Day for me.. i don't know why.. maybe because im alone?.. but come to think of it.. valentine's last year, i was alone too.. but this one's different..
valentine's last year, we're not together.. yet, there's still a chance for us.. we still have communication and all.. but now.. we're not together.. and there's no more chance for us.. [ok.. im holding back my tears.. im trying not to cry..]
yesterday.. i was expecting a gift from him.. how hypocrite i was right?.. a gift to make up.. to console me.. to ask for forgiveness.. yet, there's none.. i only got disappointment.. which i always get from him.. he is really good at giving me disappointments and frustrations.. somehow, i wished i never met him.. he made me this.. alone, lonely, and aloof.. before, i have no friends.. hindi naman bawal.. pero, he's suspicious specially guys.. [even in online games i can't add friends] i can't go out.. i got a feeling that he's holding me back.. hindi ko na tuloy kilala ang sarili ko.. now.. im really lucky i regained my friends.. and i earned friends.. i can go out whenever, wherever, and whoever im with.. im not alone any more.. but still, i feel the "emptyness"..
a friend asked.. "mag-isip ka ng mga magagandang ginawa nya sa yo".. and i was surprised.. i had a hard time thinking.. wala akong maisip.. seriously.. it took me a while.. and the only thing i said was "mabait naman cya eh".. it was even far from the question.. ghad.. i can't think of any at that time.. i just told them, "siguro sa sobrang dami ng masasamang ginawa nya sa akin.. na-mask na nun ang mga good things kaya wala ako maisip.." the wound is still there.. and somehow, it keeps on healing..
valentine's day is said to be single's awareness day din daw.. so ayun.. muni muni na lang ang ginawa ko.. i tried locking myself inside the closet.. seriously.. it was the plan.. to lock myself the whole day.. my friends said naloloka na daw ako.. hahaha.. but i think, that's my haveb that day.. away from all the valentine's related stuffs.. but i failed.. di ko kinaya.. less than an hour pa nga lang ata.. hahaha.. ayun.. paglabas ko ng closet.. naisip ko.. walang mangyayare sa kin.. so i decided to play na lang.. went online and tried to be happy..
i tried to be happy and unaffected for my friends.. im happy for those who are inlove.. im glad they've met the person they want to be with.. i just wish they won't hurt each other.. and love each other eternally.. hehehe.. i sent an ecard for my mom, tito rene [mom's date], and lola dora [mom's employer].. and with message of love.. hihi.. kuya doesn't have a date too.. he went to his dentist and bought a pancit malabon for us.. hehe..
so to cap off.. valentine's day was a not-so-good day for me.. but i guess the coming days will be better.. im single and trying to be happy.. im a wonderful and positive person.. im full of life.. and lots of love to give.. i'll just try to enjoy every single day being single.. hehehe..
to couples: love one another.. respect and trust each other.. have a open communication.. and stay inlove.. :) i hope to have a better half soon.. *wink*
to singles: don't be sad.. i know God has better plan for us.. with someone much BETTER OR THE BEST than what/who we had.. mwah..
valentine's last year, we're not together.. yet, there's still a chance for us.. we still have communication and all.. but now.. we're not together.. and there's no more chance for us.. [ok.. im holding back my tears.. im trying not to cry..]
yesterday.. i was expecting a gift from him.. how hypocrite i was right?.. a gift to make up.. to console me.. to ask for forgiveness.. yet, there's none.. i only got disappointment.. which i always get from him.. he is really good at giving me disappointments and frustrations.. somehow, i wished i never met him.. he made me this.. alone, lonely, and aloof.. before, i have no friends.. hindi naman bawal.. pero, he's suspicious specially guys.. [even in online games i can't add friends] i can't go out.. i got a feeling that he's holding me back.. hindi ko na tuloy kilala ang sarili ko.. now.. im really lucky i regained my friends.. and i earned friends.. i can go out whenever, wherever, and whoever im with.. im not alone any more.. but still, i feel the "emptyness"..
a friend asked.. "mag-isip ka ng mga magagandang ginawa nya sa yo".. and i was surprised.. i had a hard time thinking.. wala akong maisip.. seriously.. it took me a while.. and the only thing i said was "mabait naman cya eh".. it was even far from the question.. ghad.. i can't think of any at that time.. i just told them, "siguro sa sobrang dami ng masasamang ginawa nya sa akin.. na-mask na nun ang mga good things kaya wala ako maisip.." the wound is still there.. and somehow, it keeps on healing..
valentine's day is said to be single's awareness day din daw.. so ayun.. muni muni na lang ang ginawa ko.. i tried locking myself inside the closet.. seriously.. it was the plan.. to lock myself the whole day.. my friends said naloloka na daw ako.. hahaha.. but i think, that's my haveb that day.. away from all the valentine's related stuffs.. but i failed.. di ko kinaya.. less than an hour pa nga lang ata.. hahaha.. ayun.. paglabas ko ng closet.. naisip ko.. walang mangyayare sa kin.. so i decided to play na lang.. went online and tried to be happy..
i tried to be happy and unaffected for my friends.. im happy for those who are inlove.. im glad they've met the person they want to be with.. i just wish they won't hurt each other.. and love each other eternally.. hehehe.. i sent an ecard for my mom, tito rene [mom's date], and lola dora [mom's employer].. and with message of love.. hihi.. kuya doesn't have a date too.. he went to his dentist and bought a pancit malabon for us.. hehe..
so to cap off.. valentine's day was a not-so-good day for me.. but i guess the coming days will be better.. im single and trying to be happy.. im a wonderful and positive person.. im full of life.. and lots of love to give.. i'll just try to enjoy every single day being single.. hehehe..
to couples: love one another.. respect and trust each other.. have a open communication.. and stay inlove.. :) i hope to have a better half soon.. *wink*
to singles: don't be sad.. i know God has better plan for us.. with someone much BETTER OR THE BEST than what/who we had.. mwah..
--xoxo--
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